They say a picture's worth a thousand words, never truly understanding what it means or what it signifies. I've always liked this picture of us, simply because we rarely have any decent pictures of us looking anywhere near normal. We can't seem to take pictures without it being somewhat candid. It amuses me how dignified he looks to have me in his arms yet his shoulders lean away as if he was scared that something (ironically the group we came with) would wonder why I was around his arms.

I guess I can understand why he had his reasons. It wasn't easy being at work either because our kind of relationship is considered as fraternization. I figured our relationship, in time, would have graduated from being hidden from the world, who was well aware of our discretion. I assumed wrong. What's killing me is that I was chosen to be hidden from the people who shouldn't have mattered in our innocent affair, the ones who meant the most to him. It's a despicable thought to feel so shunned & unworthy, & that from the person whom you've promised your life, heart, everything to.  It makes me throw up inside from disgust of myself. I felt as if I needed to throw up everything I had inside that made him think I wasn't worth being shown off. I never thought it be manageable for your heart & soul to be bulimic. It's as if I threw up all the things that made me who I am & ate in everything he told me he wanted me to be. Still, to my dismay, nothing's changed. I'm still within this frigid room, cornered by these four walls I allowed him to build around me, slowly closing in closer as if suffocating me; while I desperately fill it with the things my heart has thrown up of the things he dislikes inside me. This heart used to look so vibrant, as if that picture of us belonged to be hung from it. However, pictures can lie...

Don't get me wrong. Every man has his flaws but I have faith. I believe in his love for me is strong that one day he will finally understand that he's been hurting me. I have faith in what we have so much so that I'm willing to sacrifice my self-being. Love comes easy but love is never easy; like everything worth keeping, you must work hard to make it work, you must make sacrifices & when you truly love someone wholeheartedly, like I do, there are no limits to the things I would do, no time limit to how long I would wait for his realizations to come. I have faith that one good day, this picture will only mean one thing---love.

For now & for always, I will let go of everything & let love take control.





To fools, love is nothing but beautiful scenes, happy moments & a vision of perfection. Our love is like that & nothing like that. Our love is filled with hurt, pain & tears. My love is a war, always being fought for & it's because I'm willing to run, knowing I'll be knocked down along the way, makes my kind of love true. Fools analyze my love from a view that only the jealous see, while mischievously plotting deceptions & lies, pointing out cracks & holes in it to try to wear me down. Honestly, I like the pain, the tears & the struggle--- those are the things that make our love real & priceless thus making it untouchable by those who want to take the thing that makes me complete away from me. The truth, the real truth is from all the uncertainties in this world, & even when my soul grows weary, my heart never ceases to love him.